I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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