i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
