i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
