omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
