Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Randomize
