"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
