and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Randomize
