What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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