We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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