I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
