my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
