if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
