my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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