I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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