You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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