All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
