Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
