ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
