I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
