why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
