i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
