This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
