you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
