I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
