pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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