alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
