wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
