just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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