He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
