It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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