my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
