Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
