I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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