i jhust puked up my retainher.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
