why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
