cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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