Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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