He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
