I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
