she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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