the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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