the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
