I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
