Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
