u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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