tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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