If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
