Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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