So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
