Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
