If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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