I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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