Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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