i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
