U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
