drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
