You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Randomize
